you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
