I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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