So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
