I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
