I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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