we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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