Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
