The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
