So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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