puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
