me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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