Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Did I show you my penis last night?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
