i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
