I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
