I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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