Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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