thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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