You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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