is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
