well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
