the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
