Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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