I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
