I accidentally had phone sex last night
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
