Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
