i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
