How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
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