i just sold back the books i vomitted on
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
