I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
