He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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