i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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