a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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