I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
