Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
