those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
