I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
