Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
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