NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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