Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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