Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
