and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
