I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
