please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Dicks are not precious.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
