i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Randomize
