Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
