I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
