Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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