He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
