finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Randomize
