Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
