Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
my god I love twenty year old dicks
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
