I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
