my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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