Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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